One year. It is hard to believe one year has passed since my stage 4/MBC diagnosis. I'm honestly not sure how I feel about it. I should be ecstatic that I'm here, feel good (for the most part - my medicine makes me tired and sometimes I feel crummy), and have no evidence of active disease - and I am. Yet, I can't help but think it's one more year gone of my more than likely shortened life. I also look back at the last year, and I feel I've wasted it in a sense. Did I find my purpose? No. Did I make an impact? No. But did I survive the worst year of my life? Yes.
The rug was pulled out from under us, and we managed to stay afloat. Life has pretty much been normal (if you ignore the countless doctor appointments), and I am very thankful for that. Along with countless doctor appointments, there have been countless trips to the coast! It's hard to be sad when you are surrounded by God's beautiful creation.
I've continuously prayed for God to give me a testimony of healing, a testimony of hope, which is one reason why I'm finally making a "formal" announcement. How can people be inspired by my testimony if I'm not sharing it? When I got off the call with Duke, I had very little hope left of ever being pain free again, much less running. After doing a work challenge with a lot of walking, swimming, cycling, and yoga, I realized I wasn't as stiff as I had been, and I started wondering if exercising in the morning was helping. I decided to try running in the morning and am so happy to say I've started week three of running. My constant ache has gone away. I've had very little stiffness. Do I feel 100%? Absolutely not. I feel old and out of shape. But do I feel like I'm finally turning a corner? Yes!
Chalk it up to a mix of time, radiation finally helping, and my medicine helping, but I really feel like it's an answered prayer and the blessing of a miracle. I was so tired of having pain every day, no matter what I did or didn't do. I was reminded throughout the day of having cancer when I couldn't stand up straight. Now, when I stand and can straighten up, I'm full of gratitude and have felt the need to share the testimony of healing I've been given. Admittedly, it is a strange place to be. As I'm full of gratitude for healing and my prayer being answered, I see friends who are struggling. Why me? Why not them? I don't have an answer for that. All I can say is hold onto hope, no matter how small the sliver of hope becomes.
I pray in this second year I'm able to find my purpose, do bigger things, and really enjoy life now that the dust has settled. I want to find the courage to get SCUBA certified and go swim with the sea turtles. I want to plan a trip to see the Northern Lights. I want to get more involved at church and help others. When I write my two-year update, I don't want to say I felt like I wasted a year. I want to say I fully lived!
Please continue to pray for healing. Please pray I'll be an outlier and beat the odds. Please consider a donation to Metavivor!
